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Have You Lost That Lovin' Feeling?
Brad Thompson
June 27, 2010
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Have You Lost That Lovin' Feeling?
I stink at giving “catchy” titles to the lessons I teach – sorry if this one falls in the same “poor to terrible” category. Nevertheless, today we are going to be talking about the romantic component of our marriages. I know this is a very sensitive topic, and I’m working very hard to speak on God’s behalf on this topic, not pulling any punches while also recognizing the tremendous potential for offending someone while “shooting straight.”
If you’ve been breathing over the last several years, I’m sure you’ve noticed the saturation of our culture with sexual messages. There are very few products that are not promoted with some sort of sexual hook involved. During a trip to Barnes & Noble to do some research for this series, I had Karen count the number of books that were filed under the “Self Improvement” category that only dealt with the topic of improving the physical act of sex. She stopped at 250! I probably don’t need to tell you that number more than doubled the number of selections that dealt with creating healthy, well-balanced relationships.
Being intimate is so much more than being sexual. It’s intellectual – where we share our thoughts and knowledge. It’s behavioral – where we share things like chores, hobbies, and even work. It’s social – where we share ourselves and our relationship with friends. The part that is most difficult for most couples is the emotional part – sharing our feelings. But if we are to ever experience the true intimacy that God intends in our marriages, we must learn to share our feelings, including the ones that aren’t so easy to share. When you share something that reveals your true, inner-self to your spouse, it is a gift of intimacy and an act of love.
Think about this – if you don’t share your day-to-day feelings with each other because it’s too risky or difficult, how on earth will you be able to communicate with each other physically? You won’t. Physical intimacy will be mediocre at best, because you haven’t learned how to be or are willing to be vulnerable with each other as you tell each other what you need.
Healthy couples eventually take the huge risk of being emotionally vulnerable to each other so that their hurts and wounds from the past can be healed. As a couple takes these deeper emotional risks, their sexuality becomes firmly embedded in a much broader context of complete intimacy, and because of that becomes one piece of something much bigger and more important – a deeper love for one another.